I met my husband Bobby in September of 1981, and just three months later, I was headed to Western New York for Christmas to meet his entire family. They hadn’t even heard my name until Bobby called to say he was bringing me to the festivities. I only caught his side of the conversation, but one thing was clear—his mom thought I was too young for him. Gulp.
As we walked up to his parents’ front door, I heard a boisterous yell and the sound of running feet. The door flew open, and a laughing, beautiful woman launched herself into Bobby’s arms. They hugged and kissed, words tumbling over each other in a loud, happy rush. Bobby is an introvert and had kept himself pretty private from me thus far, so this moment showed me a whole new side of him—a side that revealed how deeply he loved and how much he was loved in return. I was intent on understanding this man I was falling for. He quickly introduced her as his youngest sister, and then I was swept into the kitchen. His mom hugged me, his dad offered me a drink, and the whole family surrounded me, all talking, smiling and joking. They were such a close family, and they welcomed me right in. Bobby and I took our first Christmas picture in front of the Family Room fireplace that year. I’m grateful to have lots of those pictures now.
But here’s The Thing. During that multiple-day visit, I watched. I studied. There was so much to take in. But what stunned me was his parents’ relationship. Married 26 years at that time, and they were still so romantic. Authentic. In love. She perched on his lap. They laughed constantly. And the way they looked at each other? Enchanting. I had never seen anything like it.
Right then, I knew that I wanted that.
My husband talks of his father with the utmost respect. He says that his dad wasn’t the kind of father who would intentionally teach things to him. He didn’t come up with lessons or employ “intentional teaching strategies.” There is nothing wrong with these things; in fact, they are excellent. But Dad just lived a consistent life of integrity in front of his children.
One of the lessons Dad modeled to Bobby was how to be a stellar husband. I have thanked Dad for this in many birthday cards over the years. It wasn’t a fluke. Not surprisingly, his siblings all reflect the lessons learned from their beautiful parents within their own lives today as they love and parent. Every parent wants the best for their children. Parents ardently wish and pray that their children will find happiness in their own marriages. The best way to do that is to model the best kind of marriage in front of them.
If you haven’t fared so well thus far, I promise it’s not too late. Showing your kids how not to do something, followed by how to do something, can be pretty effective. I understand this better than you know and I’ll share my story at the end. My mom and dad, while wonderful humans and parents, did not have a healthy marriage when I was growing up. However, they taught me a different lesson than the Martins. They faithfully stuck it out and later, they enjoyed a close, extraordinarily loving relationship.
So, how can you create your own Long Line of Love? There are so many things that make me so, so happy to be married to Bobby. But I’m going to focus on four pillars that I see in relationships that are both long and loving.
1. Be fully committed.
Marriage isn’t just about saying “I do”—it’s about planting roots. It’s like signing up for Netflix—you commit because you want the full experience, not just a free trial. Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. I’ll get serious again now.
When you commit, you’re saying, “This is where we’ll grow.” Roots give stability. They let you weather storms and reach for more together. Without that sense of permanence, it’s hard to invest fully in today because you’re unsure about tomorrow.
Skip the commitment, and the ground feels shaky. Anxiety creeps in because no one knows if the other person will stay. That’s exhausting.
Please don’t even utter the “D word”, not when fighting or even as a joke. It’s off the table.
2. Be protective of one another.
I’m not talking about being overprotective, possessive, or controlling—those are a hard no.
Real protectiveness shows up in everyday ways. Bobby always takes the outside of the sidewalk when we walk in the city. He makes sure the doors are locked at night. That’s physical protection, and I love it.
But protection goes deeper. Loyalty and commitment are protective, too. So is guarding your spouse’s reputation—don’t tear them down in front of others or gossip about them. Protective spouses look out for each other socially, professionally, and in family settings. It’s about creating a safe space where your partner knows you’ve got their back.
3. Do Date Nights.
Did you know only about half of couples go on regular date nights? That’s a shame because research shows they’re linked to happier marriages, better communication, stronger commitment, and yes—greater intimacy.
Date nights don’t have to be fancy or expensive. I even have ideas for at-home dates after the kids are asleep! The point is to carve out time for fun. Don’t you want to have fun? C’mon.
4. Faith matters.
I saved the best for last because this is the #1 reason for our super-happy, super-close relationship. If you’re not Christians like us, you are absolutely welcome here—I love you. But here’s what I’ve learned: Jesus makes everything He touches better, including marriage.
For us, marriage is a sacred covenant with God and a sacred bond with each other. Divorce? That word isn’t on the table. We follow Jesus individually, and He changes us for the better—making us better spouses over time.
We go to church together, which gives us support and accountability from other believers. And the teachings of Jesus? They lay the foundation for love, respect, and mutual support. Everything you need to know about practical living—making the major decisions well—is in the Bible. And when at odds about a decision, we go to the book that is The Truth. It never fails to help us solve our problem.
It has a lot to say about marital love, by the way…
1 Peter 4:8: “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”
This Bible verse below is written by King Solomon. Bible scholars say his greatest strength was his unsurpassed wisdom, granted to him by God. He wrote the book of the Bible the “Song of Solomon,” which is a poetic dialogue celebrating the beauty of love and marriage between a bride and her beloved. It highlights themes of desire, commitment, and the sanctity of marital love. Song of Solomon 8 :6-7: “Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.”
When you put these pieces together—commitment, protectiveness, intentional time, and faith—you’re not just building a marriage, you’re building a legacy. Love that lasts doesn’t happen by accident; it grows because two people choose it every day.
Friends, I wish a Long Line of Love to you and to all of your future generations!
Here’s how I grew up, and how I learned that imperfect relationships can be perfect, too.
