I didn’t see many healthy love relationships growing up. But I thought I’d surely know when I met my soulmate. Sparks would fly, I’d feel so happy, and I’d never want to leave his side. Finding my soulmate would be perfect!
Then I met him.
He was hot — that perfect mix of romantic and bad boy. I was captivated. But I soon realized that in the beginning, your soulmate and Voldemort, the dark wizard and main antagonist of the Harry Potter series, can look exactly the same.
Two years later, I met another man. I wasn’t sure about him. Oh, he was handsome, alright. But he was an introvert, not as overtly charming as the first, and definitely not clear about his feelings for me. Then I met his parents — and for the first time, I saw what a healthy relationship could look like. Their example helped me begin to study and discern whether a suitor was truly deserving of the title Soulmate.
Spoiler Alert: I’ve been happily married and head-over-heels in love with their son — my soulmate — for thirty-seven years. He’s the best man I’ve ever known.
But first, I had to recognize him.
Prepare to Meet Your Soulmate
Seek wise counsel.
Sometimes, seeing a picture of the thing you want plays a role in you getting it. Look for someone who has a great relationship and ask them for help.
Think about and write down who your soulmate is.
I know that sounds silly because you haven’t met them yet, but what characteristics do you want them to have? Don’t focus on the physical stuff — you’ll know it when you see them. Think instead about the non-material: Humor? Kindness? Intelligence? Godliness? (This is a good one!) Keep the list handy, and you’ll be able to spot them better when they appear.
Place yourself in the right places to meet people of quality.
Volunteer for a cause you love. Take a class. Be where people who share your values gather.
Time is your friend.
Just like in my story, it’s common to misjudge someone when dopamine kicks in. Just because sparks fly and you feel happy doesn’t mean that person is your soulmate. Enjoy it, but don’t give away too much of yourself or make any permanent decisions. A toxic person can be in your life for a short time but leave destruction behind. My advice? Don’t risk your future for someone who won’t even be in it. No one is perfect, but time gives you the ability to discern their character and whether they’re growing. See what’s behind the beautiful face. And let’s face it — they could be a saint, but still not suited for you for a lifetime. You need time to know.
So, What Happens When You Meet Your Soulmate?
Sure, the dopamine is flying, and you’re lucky if the sparks don’t catch something on fire! But it’s not going to be all hearts and butterflies. You’re still going to have the issues that two imperfect humans have trying to live together in this world. But because you’ve chosen well and taken your time, this time it will feel different — because it is different. This one will feel like he’s worth working for. She will seem like someone you could be with forever.
Here’s how you’ll know:
Mutual Respect
Yes, she’s gorgeous, but it’s more than that. Her light comes from the inside. Even better, from Jesus. Kindness is essential to you, and she has it in spades. He’s so funny! You love that about him. Humor was first on your list. And as the relationship matures, so will your respect. These feelings that were fleeting in other relationships will deepen. You’ll begin to support each other’s work and dreams, see how your gifts complement each other, and stick up for one another. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect.
Open and Honest Communication
Oh, you’ll fight. Maybe even more than you’ve ever fought with a partner before. That’s because you care more — and soulmates have the power to hurt you in ways others never could. But now, instead of abandoning the relationship when it gets hard, you’re both sticking around to get things right. That’s healthy, as long as you’re actually accomplishing something.
Real love doesn’t guarantee communication skills. Assertive and healthy communication is a learned skill, and we often bring baggage into the relationship. But with a soulmate, we’re driven to learn hard things. In the end, you’ll find that talking with your partner becomes easy. You’ll share your thoughts and feelings without hesitation — and feel heard and respected.
Support and Safety
Life is hard. Things don’t go our way 100% of the time. A true soulmate offers reliable support and makes you feel safe. You’ll see the relationship grow when times get tough, and you’ll be there for each other with compassion and feedback.
Equality — and Submission
Those words don’t seem to go together, do they? But in a mature Godly relationship, they can.
Each partner respects the other’s feelings, abilities, and input in a mature relationship. While each other has a role given to them by God, no one’s needs to dominate. And authentic soulmate relationships go deeper over time. They’re not transactional, and no one’s keeping score — because both are giving everything. And ironically, both people’s needs are met in the best way possible.
As Andy Stanley puts it, “Submission in marriage is a race to the back of the line.” It’s not about power — it’s about love that puts the other first, again and again.
Mad Attraction — and Something More
There’s a vast difference between dopamine-induced attraction and what I’ve described. I’ve had both, and I’m testifying! There is nothing like being in love with — and being loved by — your true soulmate. My heart still races whenever I see him, and just when I think it can’t get any stronger? BAM! Love surge.
But here’s the thing: even soulmate love — the real kind, the lasting kind — isn’t the ultimate source of joy.
Because joy, the kind that holds you steady when the storms roll in, doesn’t come from romance alone. It comes from faith. From knowing Jesus. From trusting the One who authored love in the first place. Without Him, joy is just a flicker. With Him, it’s a flame that never goes out.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”— Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” — Ephesians 5:21 (NIV)
Are you still wrestling with this whole soulmate idea? I get it. Life has a way of shaping how we see love, sometimes in ways that make us skeptical. But let me show you something that might shift your perspective.
I’ve been a lifelong fan of Steven Curtis Chapman—an artist whose career is stacked with accolades, from Dove Awards to Grammys. Back in 1990, he wrote “I Will Be Here” as a promise to his wife. If you’ve never seen it, go find the 1991 Dove Awards performance. He’s up there in full 80’s glory—big hair, bold clothes—and yet the most unforgettable part is how he locks eyes with Mary Beth in the audience. Shamelessly, tenderly.
Fast forward to 2025, and Chapman has given us another love song to Mary Beth. This one isn’t just a promise—it’s the fulfillment of that promise, decades later. The song is beautiful, yes, but what stops me in my tracks is his face. That look of pure adoration. That’s what a soulmate journey looks like when it’s lived out over time. Listen to “Forever the Love of My Life” to see what I mean.
